Silence of the pigeons

I’m no hermit. I’ve seen pigeons before (not to brag).  But apparently I’ve never given them the attention they deserve. Wait, that doesn’t sound right…I’ve given them no attention, all of which they deserve. Yeah, that sounds better. 

Since I naturally overlook pigeons, imagine my surprise when I came to find Buenos Aires swarming with these soulless beasts. I was like, “Oh my gosh!”   But for the first couple of days, I didn’t realize the enormity of the situation.  When I heard strained moans coming from the common area I was confident it was just an elderly couple making love at all hours of the day. I am in Argentina, right? Then I became worried. Did anyone else notice the frequency and fervor of these geriatric teenagers? Can’t too much lovemaking lead to infection (I read that somewhere…)?? I finally asked Ali about it. She let me in on the secret: pigeons.

Here’s a brief but (relatively) accurate history lesson. Some time ago (specifics dilute the point), the government wanted to enhance the image of the city in order to attract tourists. Quite understandably, they turned to the French, and more specifically, Paris, for their answer. This was their thought process: 

(A) Paris = lots of tourists.

(B) Lots of tourists = lots of money.

(C) Paris = swarming with pigeons.

So…by way of the transitive property…

Pigeons = lots of money.

So then they did the simple math, as shown below:

Buenos Aires + pigeons = lots of money. (They’re so good at math!!)

I don’t think they consulted an economist or the Pigeon Specialist before making the decision. Both of whom I’m sure would say the math is flawed. Or, in Ali’s words, “that’s a misuse of logic”.

Whether or not logic was involved in the decision making process, I am still baffled with the end result: how did I think they were old people sexing and not pigeons?! Que ridiculous!